I Believe It's Called Projection

WARNING: ONCE AGAIN EMO

Okay so I’m not a psychology buff, although I have been analyzed many-a-time, but I HAVE heard of that term “projection.” I think that’s the one where you are feeling one emotion but you project another emotion onto someone else? I believe it’s what you might call a defense mechanism. (That might not be it at all but for the purpose of this post, let's pretend, it's late).Have you ever heard the phrase “I’d rather fight with you than anything happy with anyone else?” that might not be it exactly, but you get the gist.

Before two weeks ago I had never done a long distance relationship before. I know we like to say that “It’s good for you as an individual” and “I’m so happy for you to have this time to grow” but let’s just be real and admit that those are little lies that we tell ourselves to try to ignore the pain of missing being around someone that you care about.

Missing someone is like having multiple personalities. On one hand there is the sweet thoughtful personality that sends random cards, presents and surprises. On another hand there’s the personality that sulks around feeling lonely and listening to songs that remind you of him. There’s also a personality that anxiously anticipates his next visit, one that aims to stay busy and avoid feeling, one that covers your walls with pictures of the two of you, and one that picks a fight just because you’re sad and a little lonely.

Tonight’s personality of choice-- the last option. The projection. The lonely. The “I’m missing you darn it so I’m going to find something to fight about” really attractive part deep down inside of me. The defense mechanism that always ends up making me feel crummier than before. Picking a fight just to feel close to you, to displace my sad feelings, to let go of some of that anxiety and anticipation… it never feels good. So why do I continue to do it?

No clue… sorry.